The Twin Connection - Nap time/Bedtime

The boys used to nap in the same crib a lot; but I have always put them to bed at night in separate cribs. When they were little I was worried about SIDS, and as they got older they started crawling over each other and I stopped even having them nap together. Their cribs are right beside each other, so they "talk" and laugh as they go to sleep and wake up. I have always struggled with knowing what the boys wanted -- whether they preferred the closeness with their twin, or if they wanted their own space. I just didn't know, but they didn't seem to mind sleeping in separate cribs, and they just moved so much!

In the past few days though, something interesting has happened. Adam has been requesting to sleep in Matthew's crib. Usually we say, "are you ready to go in your crib" right before we put them down. We ask them, because they always start pointing to their crib when we say this. The last few days, Adam has started pointing to Matthew's crib before nap time and bedtime. I have let them nap together twice this week.

Today at nap time. Adam in orange.

Today at bedtime, when Adam realized we were going to put him in his own crib instead of Matthew's, he had a meltdown. Crying, tears. And he kept pointing at Matthew's bed (Matthew was happily in his bed at this point).  This is the first time Alan had seem this, and he was hesitant to have them sleep in the same crib for the entire night. But we finally decided to go ahead and let them; he so obviously wanted to be with his brother. As soon as we put him in the crib with his brother, he got a huge grin.

Then they looked at each other, smiled and laughed. We told them goodnight and shut the door, and we heard tons of giggles.

I had to check on them a few times because the sounds were so cute. When I first peeked in, Adam and Matthew started playing peek a boo at me through the bars of their cribs. The next time I peeked in, they were both laying down next to each other, looking and smiling at each other. It was seriously adorable.

This is the first time they have really shown a preference to sleep close to each other. I have been worried they wouldn't be close because they seemed to fight more than play. As they are getting closer to 2, they seem to be getting less "selfish" and actually enjoying their twin. :)

Edit**

Alan and I just checked on the boys, and they were asleep, laying right beside each other (unlike the above picture). I love that they have each other. Now I worry about having a singleton in the future. Will he/she be lonely??

Twin Mom Guilt

Lately I have been thinking a lot about whether we should try for another baby or not.

In some ways I feel we have a great, perfect little family. Two parents, two kids. Two boys that have a close bond. If we have a third, would he or she feel left out? (We really don't want to have 4.)

But then, there is this feeling like I missed out on something. I love my twin boys. I love that I had twins (it really is fun to have two the same age). I feel like I have these two 18 month old boys, and I am getting this double does of "toddler" (which actually has been awesome.. honestly all ages over 6-9 months have been great). But while I am getting double toddler-hood, I feel like I was robbed of the boys' baby-hood. And honestly when I really focus on that, it makes me so, so sad.

My boys were very high-needs babies. If they were not sleeping or nursing, they were crying. All I wanted was to curl up with them and nurse all day, but that was just not possible. (Yes we tandem nursed 12 hours a day, but it wasn't very "cuddly". We all survived their colicky infant stage, but we did not thrive. I did not feel like I enjoyed it like I wanted. In a way I feel like I failed them because I could (almost) never give them my complete attention. I have twin mom guilt. I think it's different than having 2 two years apart. I know there is jealousy and other issues that come up between singleton siblings. But the issues are different, some probably harder, but definitely different. Newborns require constant care. Toddlers are capable of playing on there own for some periods of time. They can walk, communicate some needs, feed themselves.

I think what I am trying to say, is.. even though I had planned on only having two kids when I married Alan, I feel like I never had a "normal" baby experience. I mourn that loss when I think of never actually experiencing a singleton. And I almost feel like I have to prove to myself that I can be a better mom. I know none of these are actually good reasons to have another child. Do any twin moms feel like they didn't get to experience their twins' baby-hood the way they wanted?

Identical Differences

People ask me all the time how I am able to tell my boys apart.

I can't imagine why they think this would be an issue ;)

But there are have been times I have had to pause and look, and even some instances when I have gotten it wrong. I feel horrible when I get it wrong. At the same time, their genes are the same, so when they have a difference, I wonder why. But I am very grateful for those differences.

I do believe each has their own "look," but that is hard to put in to words.

One definite difference is Adam's face is fuller & wider, while Matthew's is longer and slimmer. Another difference is Adam has a birthmark on his upper right thigh, Matthew does not.

Their unchanging, proven difference though, is on their right ears.

Adam's Ear

Matthew's ear.

Notice Matthew's "point" on the helix of his ear, where Adam's helix is just smooth.

I researched this difference for this post, because I didn't know what to call this "point". Apparently it is called a Darwin's tubercle because Darwin first discovered/named it. Apparently there is a dominant gene for this feature, and it occurs in 10% of the population.

Wait. A dominant gene, but my two identical boys don't have the same feature??

Well, apparently this gene has "incomplete penetrance" meaning "those who possess the gene will not necessarily possess the ear tubercle." (All quoted from Wikipedia.) Case in point, my two identical boys with different ears.

Interesting, no?

I Hope I'm Strong Enough for This...

I have a whole new respect for mothers now that I am a new mother myself! The boys are 7 weeks old today, and doing very well. But, these have been the hardest 7 weeks of my life! The biggest challenge for me is definitely the lack of a good chunk of sleep. I am probably getting at least 5-6 hours a day (I think..) but I haven't gotten more than about 2 hours at a time (usually closer to 1) since the boys have been born. It is the most frustrating to me in the middle of the night after I've nursed the boys until they fall asleep (sometimes up to an hour), changed their diaper, and burped them.. and they are still fussy. (This happened several times last night.. I am exhausted. I'm not sure if they are getting sick, going through a growth spurt or just being fussy). It made me think.. I hope I am strong enough for raising these twins!!

Now it's 2:15pm and the boys are both sleeping (simultaneously) for the first time today. They have really kept me busy! I have heard the first 3 months is the hardest. Is this true? I know there are many, many more challenges to come in this journey of motherhood, but does getting sleep make everything seem easier? And does anyone have any tips for getting them to sleep longer at night.. or is that something I just need to wait for?

So.. we have had a challenging past few days, but they are both sleeping now. Sleeping babies are good. Here's to more of that :)