Thursday, October 3, 2013

Huge Decision

So, my last day of work as an RN in the NICU was two days ago. One day a week may not seem like much, but every time I was going to work I was feeling like I was abandoning my children. Olivia wasn't liking the bottle. And anytime I told the boys I was going to work the next day, Adam (without fail) would say (in the sweetest imaginable voice), "No, Mommy, stay with me." !!! :(

That broke my little Mommy heart, and Alan has always said I didn't have to work, even before we had kids. But I wanted to work. After we got pregnant I thought I would work two days a week, but decided on once a week after we found out it was twins. Then I ended up being canceled a lot when the boys were babies, and only working 1-2 days a month, which was doable (but still hard.. pumping enough milk for twins.) They developed close bonds with their grandparents who watched them, and it was a much needed break for me. As they got older I found I really didn't need that break anymore, even though I still enjoyed my job. I was enjoying being a Mom more since I didn't have two colicky babies anymore. Even on the hard days, I really felt like I was where I needed to be.

I struggled with what to do while I was on maternity leave with Olivia. I made up my mind, then changed it, so many times!! The problem was I loved my job, I loved the little NICU babies, I loved my coworkers and I liked the money.  But I felt like I had abandoned by three little ones, and I was starting to have an empty feeling when I went to work. Like I wasn't where I belonged.

So I have decided to take some time off to focus on my three kids, my husband and our home. Honestly I am slightly terrified that now that I'm not also working outside the house, that I have to be the best mom and wife EVER. But I really shouldn't put that on myself. It is actually impossible to get everything done I really want to do during the day. That is okay. I really want to focus on spending good, quality time with my kids. (While keeping the house reasonably clean, everyone fed healthy meals and getting fun outings in several times a week :P)

I feel that I can go always go back in the future, if that's what we decide is best for the family. But for now, (even though I will miss my coworkers and the babies) I am so glad I don't have to leave my kiddos for 12 hour shifts anymore!!

Last day of work for a while.


Shelly Cunningham said...

Congratulations! And welcome to full time SAHM-hood! I am happy for you that you are able to be home. Leaving for any length of time can be challenging, and once they can ask you to please stay, it can be heartbreaking!!!
I'm excited to hear how it goes for you.
Oh, and we need more Olivia pictures!!!

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