Huge Decision

So, my last day of work as an RN in the NICU was two days ago. One day a week may not seem like much, but every time I was going to work I was feeling like I was abandoning my children. Olivia wasn't liking the bottle. And anytime I told the boys I was going to work the next day, Adam (without fail) would say (in the sweetest imaginable voice), "No, Mommy, stay with me." !!! :(

That broke my little Mommy heart, and Alan has always said I didn't have to work, even before we had kids. But I wanted to work. After we got pregnant I thought I would work two days a week, but decided on once a week after we found out it was twins. Then I ended up being canceled a lot when the boys were babies, and only working 1-2 days a month, which was doable (but still hard.. pumping enough milk for twins.) They developed close bonds with their grandparents who watched them, and it was a much needed break for me. As they got older I found I really didn't need that break anymore, even though I still enjoyed my job. I was enjoying being a Mom more since I didn't have two colicky babies anymore. Even on the hard days, I really felt like I was where I needed to be.

I struggled with what to do while I was on maternity leave with Olivia. I made up my mind, then changed it, so many times!! The problem was I loved my job, I loved the little NICU babies, I loved my coworkers and I liked the money.  But I felt like I had abandoned by three little ones, and I was starting to have an empty feeling when I went to work. Like I wasn't where I belonged.

So I have decided to take some time off to focus on my three kids, my husband and our home. Honestly I am slightly terrified that now that I'm not also working outside the house, that I have to be the best mom and wife EVER. But I really shouldn't put that on myself. It is actually impossible to get everything done I really want to do during the day. That is okay. I really want to focus on spending good, quality time with my kids. (While keeping the house reasonably clean, everyone fed healthy meals and getting fun outings in several times a week :P)

I feel that I can go always go back in the future, if that's what we decide is best for the family. But for now, (even though I will miss my coworkers and the babies) I am so glad I don't have to leave my kiddos for 12 hour shifts anymore!!

Last day of work for a while.