Not Parenting "By the Book" Anymore

Because there are way too many versions of how to raise kids "the right way".

I went by books the first 6-9 months. I didn't know what I was doing, so I did need help. I didn't supplement with formula at all except on days 3-5, made organic homemade baby food, etc. Never cloth diapered because I was told I would not get help changing diapers ;) I wrote a post about letting go, and how I am okay with not being "super mom" ;)

Now toddler books focus on how to train your kids to be "good". I have read several of them. I have used lots of good ideas from them. But, each book seems to have its own tone of superiority. Like if you don't follow this method exactly, found in this book only, you are going to be like those "other" parents. The ones with the out of control kids. You have to be a "insert method's name here" parent!

It's this tone that really gets under my skin. It turns me into a quiet rebel, and makes me just want to "wing it". (I am really not a rebel at all, but this is what these books are doing to me.)

I believe loving, supportive parents and a good home environment are the best things you can give a kid. So we are just deciding on the standards of behavior that we want, and being consistent. I don't want to be crazy strict on little things, because that is not my personality and I think it would stress the whole family out.

So, sometimes we hang out in our diapers in the morning (At least until breakfast has been eaten.. very messy meal in our house ;)
I let them wear shoes that they find around the house, even if they aren't exactly masculine shoes:
I let them carry around food at times, especially for a quick snack when I don't want to deal with the high chairs. (And it's not always something as healthy as broccoli, but they do love broccoli, and I had to get a picture :P)
I don't stress out if they throw a fit in the grocery store (simultaneously). Okay I stress a little because I think other parents are judging me. And I'm afraid someone is going to hurt themselves. But when it is close to nap time, and the kids are hungry, I don't feel it is the kids' fault at all. That is how they show over-tiredness and hunger at this age.

And we are very, very happy :) And I think Adam & Matthew are good kids. Alan and I are both mellow, so I don't feel like they got any crazy hyperactive genes. We do use "time out" a lot... that is their least favorite thing ever, and it has been very effective. Helps everyone have a breather, and they come out of time out much happier; just glad to be back with the family.

I will continue reading for ideas, but I refuse to feel guilty for not following someone's perfect method of child rearing. We have room to grow, but we will grow at our pace :)

Reactions to Twin News

We had video rolling as I received the news in April, 2010 that we were having twins. Here is the video:

That night we invited the grandparents over to share the news with them:

18 Months

Worn out from their 18 month doctor appointment and running errands. Fell asleep in the exact same position on the way home.

The boys are moving on up in their height and weight percentiles.

Adam:

Height: 33.25 in (75th%)

Weight: 25.2 lbs (50th%)

Matthew:

Height: 33 in (75th %)

Weight: 24.4 lbs (50th%)

They are learning a few more words and animal noises. They are imitating everyone like crazy. They are playing together and with other kids more and more. They are sweet and kind little toddlers. <3

We are still doing "playroom" time once a day. Which I think really helps keep my sanity when I really need to get something done.

Of course they do throw their tantrums. Time out is our friend right now. Adam especially throws a lot of frustration tantrums. Usually we have to take a toy away that is frustrating him for him to calm down. Matthew is a little more patient, but both get upset if they want something and they don't get it ;)

Their sweetest moments are right before nap time and bed time. They cuddle, put their heads down on my shoulder, and just let me hold them. (I do this one at a time). Then we do eskimo kisses and lots of other kisses and laughing. Love, love, love it. I think they know they can get me to stay in the room longer by playing little silly games with me.

Yay for making it to 18 months!! Love this age.

Twin Mom Guilt

Lately I have been thinking a lot about whether we should try for another baby or not.

In some ways I feel we have a great, perfect little family. Two parents, two kids. Two boys that have a close bond. If we have a third, would he or she feel left out? (We really don't want to have 4.)

But then, there is this feeling like I missed out on something. I love my twin boys. I love that I had twins (it really is fun to have two the same age). I feel like I have these two 18 month old boys, and I am getting this double does of "toddler" (which actually has been awesome.. honestly all ages over 6-9 months have been great). But while I am getting double toddler-hood, I feel like I was robbed of the boys' baby-hood. And honestly when I really focus on that, it makes me so, so sad.

My boys were very high-needs babies. If they were not sleeping or nursing, they were crying. All I wanted was to curl up with them and nurse all day, but that was just not possible. (Yes we tandem nursed 12 hours a day, but it wasn't very "cuddly". We all survived their colicky infant stage, but we did not thrive. I did not feel like I enjoyed it like I wanted. In a way I feel like I failed them because I could (almost) never give them my complete attention. I have twin mom guilt. I think it's different than having 2 two years apart. I know there is jealousy and other issues that come up between singleton siblings. But the issues are different, some probably harder, but definitely different. Newborns require constant care. Toddlers are capable of playing on there own for some periods of time. They can walk, communicate some needs, feed themselves.

I think what I am trying to say, is.. even though I had planned on only having two kids when I married Alan, I feel like I never had a "normal" baby experience. I mourn that loss when I think of never actually experiencing a singleton. And I almost feel like I have to prove to myself that I can be a better mom. I know none of these are actually good reasons to have another child. Do any twin moms feel like they didn't get to experience their twins' baby-hood the way they wanted?

First Haircut

At 17 months, 3 weeks (2/10/12), the boys finally got their first haircut! I had to beg my sweet husband to let me cut off the boys' little curls in the back. He thought the curls were cute; I just wanted to shave them off! Finally he gave me permission.

I cut Adam's hair, and Alan cut Matthew's hair. We used an electronic trimmer with guards, so it was actually pretty impossible to mess up. But it was still scary.

They were both so good. Adam waiting:

Adam's hair getting shaved off :)

Matthew waiting his turn:

Matthew before (left) and Adam after

Daddy cutting Matthew's hair. Matthew actually did really well, but I didn't grab a picture until the very end.

I would recommend that parents don't use the ear trimmers that come with the package. They are meant for adults, and I shaved some hair around Adam's ear that wasn't supposed to be shaved. Whoops :(

Other than that, we are pleased with the results!

Cute Things my Kids Do... Part 3

17 Month olds do the most endearing things. Here are a few from the last few weeks:

• I sat Adam on the counter by the sink. He immediately turned the faucet on, grabbed my toothbrush and ran it under the water, then started brushing his teeth. When I asked him to put the toothbrush down, he tried to get soap to wash his hands. Then he grabbed a brush and started brushing his hair. Such a hygenic boy.
• Matthew grabbed a book today (5 silly monkeys), sat on my lap, and started thumping his head. (Imitating how I always thump his head when the silly monkey "falls off the bed and bumps his head")"
• Adam grabbed my hand and started slapping it against his cheek before nap time. At first I was confused, then I remembered nap time the day before I had used both hands to squeeze his cheeks over and over and he thought it was hilarious. He only had one hand to work with, so slapping it against his cheek was his recreation :)
• Nap time cuddles make up for all the trouble these boys can cause (Matthew bit a girl at the YMCA this week)
• Matthew said "poopy" after I said, "you have a poopy!" Then he said it on demand all day... he doesn't say anything on demand! (without having the object right there). I had him demonstrate his skill for Alan when he got home, Alan was very impressed. I overheard him saying, "can you say poopy??" while he was giving the boys a bath.
• Adam & Matthew running back in forth in front of their cribs before bedtime, while Alan and I watched and cuddled on the futon in their room. Alan would point at a boy and say "go" and he would take off. Then they started pointing and saying "go" too:) We just watched them run back and forth (and chase Lucy (one of our cats) around) for about 15 minutes. Pure bliss.
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• After I had tucked them in tonight, but before I had finished saying goodnight, Matthew started waving bye, accompanied with "bye!" bye!" Okay, I will let you go to sleep :)
• They found a whole bottle of honey and poured a lot on the floor and started playing with it.

Love those little stinkers.

Words - Finally!

Matthew being silly

The boys are finally starting to say real words! Or I am finally able to understand them. They have been jabbering up a storm, but I haven't been able to make sense of much.

Today Matthew said "bye" to me about 50 times as he shut the door on me about 50 times ;) (I opened it, and we made it a game).

The other words the boys say. The word first.. and then their pronunciation.

Cheese -- "Chi" or "sss"

Ball -- "baaall"

Bye -- "bah"

Please -- "peace"

Uh oh -- "uh oh" (that one is by far their favorite"

Thank you -- "dank do"

Banana -- "boo-tah"

Book -- "buh"

Boo -- "boo"

The most common way they communicate is the classic point and "da".

Saying "bye"

Saying "banana"