Alan and I are 3 months away from 5 years of marriage! It's hard to believe, but considering our twins are 2 1/2 and we have another on the way.... we definitely have the kids to back up the years :P
Our first two years were truly bliss. I am so glad we didn't get pregnant right away, because that time with just us was a wonderful foundation to have, especially when the challenges of raising twin newborns together arose.
Our wedding day was so so happy.
In Jamaica: Married about 5 months
On a beach in Italy: Married about 1 1/2 years. I almost don't like looking at our Italy pictures because I was so skinny!! Alan calls this version of me "Italy Krystal" mainly because it bothers me :P
Having two babies at one time was pretty hard on me and our relationship for a while. I feel we are stronger than ever now, of course I am also much nicer when I get sleep :P Here are the main things I learned that I feel have strengthened our relationship:
1. Men aren't robots, they have feelings too.
-This one may sound silly, but after our boys were born I thought everything was about me because I was taking care of them full time. I didn't think about how my stress was affecting Alan, or how my expecting Alan to never have a break was not good for him or me. Sometimes we as women have to just be nice to our men, and it makes all the difference. Instead of nagging, which I was doing, and I always thought I would never nag!
2. Do NOT blame your husband for your stress or your kids' behavior.
-I don't know how common this is, but I was wanting my husband to make everything easy after our boys were born, and if it wasn't easy, it was somehow his fault. This was so unhealthy for our relationship. As the kids get older, and we work on disciplining together, I think it's important we don't blame each other for how the kids behave, and instead work together to improve their behavior. But they are two year olds.... :P This is also why couple time is so important <3 em="">
3. Let go of bitter feelings. Don't be afraid to forgive and move on.
- This one is so important. God definitely kept us together during our hard times when our boys were small. Alan was truly going way above and beyond what a "normal" singleton dad would ever be asked to do, and getting no credit for me. I was constantly asking for more, and actually harboring bitter feelings towards him that he didn't deserve, but that weren't going away. One day I listened to a sermon about forgiveness, and something just clicked. I had to forgive, let go of my bitterness, and love my husband like I always had before. Wow, such a huge turning point, it felt so good! And Alan responded immediately.
I have been thinking a lot about this lately, because Alan has been so awesome. He is great with the boys (especially now that they are so interactive!) He watches them almost every Sunday while I work. He is so loving towards me, no matter how I look or how the house looks when he gets home. He will take extra trips to the grocery store if I ask. When we both wake up at night he always reaches for me to hold me. I could not have asked for a better man, and am so glad I learned a few things, so I could be a better wife.
5 comments:
To survive twins, you absolutely have to have an AWESOME husband. They end up being so much more involved than with a singleton. I think we are lucky we had our twins first because then our husbands are fully capable of jumping in when we finally get our singleton! I am telling you, it's amazing. Caring for Wyatt has been such a joy, so simple and so beautiful compared with caring for Logan & Jack, which felt like a marathon with no end. I can't wait for you to experience it. And congratulations on (nearly) five years!!!
Your comments are always so encouraging, thank you! I keep up with your blog to see what life is like with twins + singleton about 3 years apart :) I am so happy to hear that the singleton newborn stage is NOT the same!
Neato, my 5 yr anniversary is 3 months away as well. LOL
I know what you mean that you don't realize what you're doing until something clicks and then things change.
Congrats on 5 yrs, they say once you make it past this point the likelihood of long term increases significantly - YAY for us!!!
What r u planning for your anniversary? can't wait to hear!!
i pray the grace of God that has kept this far will keep you both strong. your love for each other wont die and your joy wont diminish. you will grow old together in love taking pride in your children's accomplishment. happy 5 yrs wedding anniversary(in advance).
This post is so important for all new twin moms to read. It's really hard on a marriage to have twin babies come into your lives and your tips are helpful and honest. Thanks for writing, I really enjoy your blog. :) And you two are a gorgeous couple!
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